To leave or not to leave?

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Staff member
May 1, 2018
Heyy.. You guys might not know who I really am, because I have never really introduced myself in details as I just want to be an anonymous on the Internet due to my family background and culture background. I live in a toxic family for the past 29 years (yeah, since I was born I was living a disaster life - not going into this), perhaps it was just my mother that is the toxic and abusive one. I've been away for many years studying abroad just right after my depression hit me so hardly back in 2011 - all because the mental and physical pressure that came from her. But who saved me? My very positive girlfriend whom I love her very much.

My mother is selfish, abusive and a control freak. Now that I have finished the highest level of my education, I want to seek job elsewhere, preferably in another country (which I had one in mind). But this means I am leaving everyone else that I love. My girlfriend, my siblings, my godfamily. I want to be successful, but my self-esteem is so low and I'm lack of confident to even work in another country. Being employed or not is another story, but I can't even make my first move to leave.

Not sure if I could get some advice from you all?


Rainbow Members
Sep 2, 2018
Boy, I'd have a hard time leaving everyone behind, especially your gf. If you got a good enough job to be able to visit once or twice a year, that would help a lot with family, but leaving a good partner is a big step. Maybe she would relocate with you after you find something and get settled.



Staff member
May 6, 2018
On one hand you have someone you wish to distance yourself from, and on the other hand you'll be moving away from a support group (people you can trust, and be open with). If you do end up moving it might be wise to see if there is some program they have for accessing therapy without paying too much (e.g. in Australia if a doctor signs off on a mental health plan it entitles you to 12 sessions a year which may or may not be covered by government funding depending on circumstances, other places have different set ups) to give yourself time to find and connect with a new support group because while the initially stressor that lead to depression, and self-esteem is distanced you may still experience a temporarily worsen depression in response to losing you support group and being somewhere where you haven't got robust connections with people.
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