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Raphael

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Raphael last won the day on September 4 2018

Raphael had the most liked content!

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About Raphael

  • Birthday June 29

Personal Information

  • Gender
    Nonbinary Maverique
  • Sexual Orientation
    Biromantic Asexual

Recent Profile Visitors

287 profile views
  1. Welcome to the Forum Audry! I've always wanted to go do karaoke but never really did because I can get stage shy. I'd love to go to one of those karaoke places with the private rooms with me and some friends, but since I'm a broke college student that might not happen anytime soon! Maybe one day I can either go to those private ones or build up the courage to actually go up on stage and sing karaoke! That's a long impressive list of careers you have! Hopefully now you can have a restful retirement; you've really done so much! Religion is an interesting thing to me, and the spiritual teachings of Native Americans is something I know very little about. Hopefully, if you are interested in sharing with everyone some things about that, I bet it would be an interesting time! I like the teachings of Jesus too, I think the stories that the Bible describes it might be misinterpreted most of the time though, and I haven't quite seen any other text that describes Jesus's teachings other than the Bible. Lots to learn! Hope you have a great time here at the forum!
  2. Welcome to the forum Barefoot! That is quite an interesting surname for sure! I'm a little into technology as well (I've always wanted to explore ham radio but never really got the chance to actually try) but more in the software aspect. Researching unusual things is fun! Hope you enjoy the forum!
  3. I'm feel so bad for being MIA so far, lots has happened  but now I have actual wifi and hopefully i can keep being on here!

    1. self

      self

      No worries, don't feel bad, we all have life out there. 🙂 The forum activity is low anyway, so, not a problem as long as there's no reported content. 😉

  4. Welcome to the forums Tam! Also welcome to your headmate too, if that's OK? I'm Raphael and I'm one of the moderators here. If you have any questions or wanna chat about anything let me know! Hope you enjoy the forum! Sent from my Moto E (4) using Tapatalk
  5. Sorry I've been MIA everyone! Moving and everything really got me all @.@

  6. Raphael

    :eyes:

    Hi Vi, welcome to the forums! Feel free and welcome to talk about anything on the forum according to the topics. I'm a moderator so if you have any questions about the forum or anything, let me know!
  7. I think it really depends on the person and situation. For example, for my mental health sake I needed my mom to understand me being trans nonbinary so she can use the right pronouns and hopefully at some point, the right name. Same for my sister. I feel for me it isn't important for them to know about my sexuality, but I did anyways and it's only caused problems. People say to test the waters before coming out but in my experience it might not always work. I thought my mom would be ok, if not a little confused or wouldn't fully understand but still accept me for who I am. Unfortunately for me, I was wrong. So to answer your question, I think its different for everyone. Some people might not find it important to disclose their identity/identities either because they don't think it's important for everyone to know or maybe even for safety.
  8. I mostly speak in the second person to myself to validate myself. When I do speak in the third person it's when I'm referencing someone saying something to me or about me in the past which is pretty normal I think.
  9. I knew for quite a while that I wasn't straight. I knew because at some point in my life I started looking at girls.....differently. I couldn't quite tie in why or how. I thought I was always attracted to guys but at some point I'm just like hmmm maybe I could potentially be not straight (this was before the whole gender stuff happened). And so, I told my only sole friend at the time, my abuser, what I was thinking and feeling. Since we were dating, and he was openly pansexual (he alternated between bisexual and pansexual), and I *had* to be chill when he found some random person cute, I thought it would be the same thing for me since I thought we were an honest couple who could trust each other with anything? Boy was I wrong. I started telling him about how I felt like if I were to date anyone after him (since I felt expendable and knew we were bound to break up again, but another story for another time) then I could date anyone, men, women, gnc, etc. And whenever I was about to say hey I might not be straight but rather pan/bi/not straight he just shut me up by getting jealous at someone who didn't even exist and saying that I was betraying him or smth. Bullshit like that. Anyways, I rejected my sexuality since it wasn't approved in his eyes then. When we did break up, I sought friendships because since he was my only friend (again, abuse, another story for another time) and I went to the only community I knew, the fuckin church. It was kinda shit knowing they wouldn't like me there, especially when I did come out as nonbinary they kinda looked at me funny and all...another story for another time. I met this girl there, her name is Pepper and she's the cutest girl I saw at that church. Before I had a feeling well hey I could date a girl but this girl, I was like omg........she cute.........and I felt like caterpillars in my throat that would become butterflies in my stomach. You know, the normal way a supposed straight person would react. Then and there I turned to the internet once more. What does this mean? Everything told me, you are bi. No, I thought! I can't be the same as my abuser, that basically makes me my abuser! And I looked and looked, pan, they said. No! I thought, I can't because I do care about the gender? Maybe? Not sure.... My friend, the first bisexual person I knew in my entire life, said yeah you basically bisexual. What? I thought. How could I if I've only dated men and always been attracted to men until recently? Sexuality is fluid, my friend said. And I'm like hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..... Eventually I found the term omnisexual. Many said pan with a preference. Others said bisexual but goes beyond human genders meaning the person is attracted to non-human things, robots, monsters, animals, aliens. I was like well this kind of describes what I feel? (except the non-human aspect) It's not anything my abuser ID'd as so I'll take it. And I ID'd as that for a while. And hated that label. It felt inauthentic, fake, and not real. After a while of being on my own I was reading one of my followers posts on birbsite and he's a really out and proud bisexual guy who sometimes labels his many fishes he owns as either gay or bisexual. And I found joy in that. I was happy for him and I felt like well hey this guy who's a really nice guy and has experienced abuse that caused him to be ashamed of his sexuality himself, well he's bi and happy as hell! Why can't I be like that? So that's exactly what I did. I rejected omnisexual, also just thinking about that whole thing is like could it be bi-erasure too? In my case it was. I was rejecting my own identity for the fear of copying my abuser. In a wide case it might not be so, as in, omnisexual isn't inherently bi-erasure, simply because the tumblrs I've encountered do in fact, cohere to the definition of being attracted also to non-human beings. Two separate things. Anyways that's my bisexual story. I know being bisexual isn't that well received both with the straights and in the queer community. So has anyone had any difficulty accepting themselves as bisexual? What factors lead you to the label bisexual? Can anyone relate?
  10. I'm glad you're feeling better! Hopefully you can find out how to fix it and not feel that way when travelling again! I really don't know how to reduce it tbh. I take iron pills everyday and just hope it doesn't happen. My menstruation is awful, I bleed for a month straight which is the reason for my anemia. Oof that sounds rough. Vertigo never lasts that long for me and it's awful that you had that experience. Once before my anemia, I took a trip on a ferry and I had to sit down once we got on land else I'd fall over.
  11. Maverique for me means a gender above and beyond all genders. It is independent from any ideas of gender, a very empowering gender! I personally like to liken it to a heavenly, celestial type of gender that transcends gender itself. I'm really like idk like that. I mean I chose the name Raphael after the archangel yakno? Thank you for sharing your experience! The gender journey is quite long and always changing and I hope one day you can find the right words to the way you feel. Something that I thought of while reading your story is that some nonbinary people ID as woman-aligned, not sure if you heard that term before? It's being aligned in some way of being a woman but still being nonbinary. If you haven't heard it before, I suggest looking into it. And I can relate to the fear of not passing. I experience a lot of social dysphoria so when people automatically assume I'm a girl then I just freak out internally. Once at a very queer space someone assumed I was a girl because I was wearing a "very feminine" shirt that day (I hadn't done laundry recently so it was one of the only clean shirts I had) and once I went home I tore that shirt off and wore a pajama shirt everywhere until I did laundry and wore my more androgynous clothes. It was awful, a few hours after that experience I was telling my friend that I just wanted to tear my skin apart until I had no more feminine features. I guess because I have a lot of anxiety and insecurities I rely on acceptance from other people rather than my own self. It's awful but that's how my brain works for who knows how many reasons. I just wish I was a celestial androgynous body and not some inherently feminine meatsack.
  12. Welcome to the forum Dennis! I can relate to the shy and social anxiety stuff but I hope you can feel comfortable here and join community! If you feel like sharing your drawings/writings/other nerd things feel free to do so in the off-topic section of the forum! I'd love to see what you create! Hope you enjoy your stay here, and if you have any questions or concerns, let me or self know!
  13. It's probably not the same thing but I get random moments of dizziness and vertigo because I'm anemic due to my PCOS. If it's that bad, I'd suggest looking to a doctor about it if you can. That sounds really bad motion sickness if you have fever and vomitting and it's concerning that even after laying in bed you still feel that way. It may be a brain thing or a blood thing tbh.
  14. I definitely agree, though something I've noticed from parts of the community is that people don't want to use it as an umbrella term unless it's specifically said by the other person that they're ok with it. The issue with that is that you can't get everyone's opinion about if they want it as an umbrella term so what term do you use? Queer is a bit more iffy than gay because gay is more normalized (although, still being used to harm) than queer. I have friends who have really strong feelings on the word queer because of their experiences and just get really mad when people use it or don't use it as an umbrella term. It's a real difficult thing to figure out because of how people experience words and slurs and how we are marginalized by words. But yes, I agree that we should acknowledge someone's personal preference about the terms used and using it towards the person. I guess my question was more in the broader sense.
  15. Welcome to the forum Haley! The combination of neurology and tropical cyclones would be interesting to see, though I know it's probably to separate ideas you're interested in. I'd be interested in knowing the various topics you're a huge nerd in, as you say, and you can always share if you so wish in the off-topics discussion! No worries if you just want to read! We're small and steadily growing so feel free to input as much as you feel comfortable. If you run into any trouble, know that me and self, the admin, are here to help! I'm a mod just so you know a point of contact. Hope you enjoy the forum and rest of your day.
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