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AudryLeigh

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AudryLeigh last won the day on October 3 2018

AudryLeigh had the most liked content!

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    Female
  • Sexual Orientation
    Lesbian

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  1. OK. So what has me confused and has left me questioning a few things about myself is this: last Friday, this pretty little Chinese woman came on to me, big time. I've known her for a while, but assumed she was straight, so never saw her as any kind of prospect, but she just threw herself at me, with an adorable greeting card, and a package that contained a nice necklace. She is essentially my dream girl, but I never expected at my age I'd ever be in a relationship again. What confused me though, is that I damned near turned right back into a man as a result of her coming on to me. I still have a hard time seeing her as a lesbian, so maybe my subconscious thought I needed to be a man to win her -- but I've clearly already won her, and I did it as a woman. I don't know if it showed, but I felt more like a man than a woman for the rest of the night -- and it didn't feel at all wrong. I have been living as a woman for almost 10 years, and have been on hormone therapy for a little over two years, and everyone, absolutely everyone sees me as a woman and treats me like a lady. Back when I thought I was a guy, I was a ladies man, so I know how this all works as a man courting a woman, but really felt like I was suddenly stranded on a desert island when it came to being amorous as a woman. I can't figure out why I turned into a man though, and why it felt so natural. Having been a (very successful) ladies man, I really know my way around women -- as a man. Maybe it was just reverting to familiar territory, but she fell in love with a woman, so I really had no need to turn into a man. The most confusing part though is that [temporarily] turning [back] into a man felt totally comfortable. If someone so much hints that I am anything less than a real woman, I get very defensive and verbally pound them into the ground (I'd do it physically, if I had to). So if just the hint of it from somebody else triggers me into powerfully defending the fact that I AM a WOMAN, by God, how is it that when I did turn into a man, it was comfortable. I am NOT a guy any more -- haven't been for a long time, so how could I be comfortable with being one for an evening? And why did being approached amorously as a woman by another woman turn me into a man? For the record, I'm 71 years old, but look and feel much younger (I often get guessed at 50-something). It took me nearly 60 years t figure out who I really am, and I had extremely male jobs for my entire working life, so I have logged a lot more miles as a man than as a woman, but when I allowed my true self to come out, a whole lot of things about my life settled down and finally made sense, and from the moment I first put on a dress, I've felt 110% female -- except for the other night. The very few times someone has come at me with ill intent (only 3 times in almost 10 years), I became the aggressor, and sent the guy running for his life, but it was all girl fury -- I didn't feel a trace of male aggressiveness (which I do know well). I became a warrior princess, My BFF is a Cherokee Warrior Princess, so I know what a female warrior is like, and I do know how to fight if I have to (I prefer to just send them running, and have always been able to, even back when everyone thought I was a guy I never had to fight, they always ran). I don't expect anyone to be able to answer my questions, or explain my confusion, but some input of ideas about what people think might have been going on for me would be much appreciated. Hugs, Audry Leigh
  2. Something happened last night that left me questioning some things, and it may have cost me a gf. This site doesn't seem very interactive though, and mostly only facts are discussed, not feelings and emotions. So I'm just wondering, before I go and pour my heart out, if I'd get any supportive or helpful feedback -- or is this just not that kind of site? Audry
  3. Well, I'm pretty sure that high stress does lower sex drive -- it does for me. High stress is bad for everything, but is so hard to avoid these days.
  4. Who here lives in a place where it's good to be LGBTQ+? I live in what has to be one of the best places in the world to be LGBTQ+. My entire State is an amazing place to live. Our Governor is an openly bisexual woman. I live in Oregon -- in Eugene, which is home to the University of Oregon whose sports teams are top flight. This town is dripping with music, all types from a World Class Symphony to Jazz, Blues, classic rock, contemporary, you name it. we've got it -- the arts, fine and performing. We have two beautiful rivers running right through town, one has World Class rapids, the other, World Class fishing (salmon). We're an hour from the Pacific ocean, and in the other direction, an hour from World Class skiing. We're (Kind of) the Track and Field Capitol of the World. But, by far, the best part about this town (most of this State) is that it is profoundly gender blind, preference blind, color blind, status blind -- everything blind. And I mean BLIND! One of the places I sing Karaoke is a hard-core biker bar -- the kind of place you'd think I'd be taking my life in my hands, just to walk into, but I am completely accepted and respected by everyone -- I am treated like a lady, by the kind of people who, almost anywhere else would beat me to a pulp. The one time someone came at me with ill intent in that bar, damned near the entire bar exploded into action, grabbed the guy, took him out on the smoking deck and threw him over the railing into the concrete and gravel parking lot (*ouch*). Turned out, he was just passing through -- a local would never have even acknowledged that I was in any way different. Bigots and haters are the endangered species here -- they are the ones who have to hide in a closet. Anyway, if someone is looking for a good place to relocate to, I highly recommend Eugene, Oregon. You cannot be different enough to even raise an eyebrow here. I love my town!
  5. WOW! Back in the day, I was a high-level computer programmer, working (under contract) for the US and other Free World governments. What I did lived in the deep dark reaches of government underground, and was highly classified. What you do sounds even more complex than what I did. You must have a pretty extensive education, I'm impressed. I come from a time when all the best programmers were self taught -- the academic world was still struggling with how to teach the skills. I was essentially a glorified hacker, hacking for the highest levels of government, military, security, and "black-ops" agencies. Audry
  6. that's pretty detailed, and far from common knowledge. Just curious, are you a biochemist?
  7. According to Miriam-Webster, the definition of asexual is: 3a : not involving, involved with, or relating to sex : devoid of sexuality >an asexual relationship b : not having sexual feelings toward others : not experiencing sexual desire or attraction In general, an asexual person does not feel or otherwise experience any sexual attraction, according to The Asexual Visibility & Education Network (AVEN). Basically, it is an inborn absence of sexual desire.—Lindsay E. Mack 4: not having or showing a particular sexual identity : neither male nor female Definitions 1 and 2 relate to plants and microscopic organisms and are not relevant in this context.
  8. It is my understanding, which is well supported by research, that a person's sexuality is something they are born with. One of the rallying cries often repeated by LGBTQ+ people when trying to educate the general public is "It is NOT a choice." People discover their sexuality, but it doesn't change. Also, I'm curious, what lead to your starting hormone therapy, and is it being supervised by a qualified endocrinologist? Hormones effect a biological sex change from male to female, or from female to male, and the objective is to bring a person's biology into alignment with their gender. Most gender therapists and endocrinologists require a confirmed diagnosis of gender dysphoria, or other psychological indicator(s) that a person's biological sex is at odds with their gender. I have never heard of anyone else who sought out or was prescribed hormone therapy who didn't perceive their gender to be either male or female. I'm curious as to what your objective was in wanting to change your sex, if you are asexual. It seems as if any good gender therapist or endocrinologist would have determined that, before prescribing hormone therapy. Also, you might want to proof read your post, as your definition reads, "characterized by atypical disinterest on one or more axes."
  9. India, with one of the largest gay communities in the World, recently took an historic step in striking down a 150 year old law against homosexual behavior. [https://my.xfinity.com/video/india-makes-historic-gay-rights-ruling/1314147907549/Comcast/Newsy_new]
  10. Sorry about the grammar thing -- I didn't know, but understand. I don't think languages evolve as fast as you are implying, or that dictionaries are as slow to react. The current of usage of "gay" has been in most dictionaries for quite some time now (decades) -- I'd have to go to a library to see just how long. Dictionaries don't change every time the language changes, because some things end up being slang and fall out of usage, but consistency in how words are used is crucial to avoid misunderstanding. Therefore, when addressing a large or diverse audience, I think it is wise to stick with accepted dictionary definitions, unless you add parenthetic comments or footnotes to clarify how you are using the word. It is precisely because of the diversification of language that dictionary definitions are important, otherwise we'd be speaking different dialects that not everyone would understand the nuances of. When you are talking in a group of people who live in the same area and speak the same language (so to speak), it's fine to use colloquialisms and more recently coined words and meanings, but when addressing a diverse group (such as the members here), you cannot assume that they are all up on the language as you are using it, and since (I assume) you want everyone to accurately understand what you are saying, I think it is wise to stick with what is well established and widely known.
  11. Boy, I'd have a hard time leaving everyone behind, especially your gf. If you got a good enough job to be able to visit once or twice a year, that would help a lot with family, but leaving a good partner is a big step. Maybe she would relocate with you after you find something and get settled. Hugs
  12. Thanks. I'm really hoping to see this forum grow and get more active too. Hugs
  13. So I'm a stickler, I guess. Exhausting? Really? Running up a few flights of stairs is exhausting, but using proper grammar? Daymn! I'd think if you use it all day, it'd become second nature sooner or later. Also, prescriptivism is not about language evolution, it's about one variety of a language vs. another. And yes, languages do evolve, but not faster than hard copy dictionaries can keep up with, and most evolution is about expansion, not about changing existing definitions. Grammar and dictionaries exist for the purpose of avoiding misunderstandings. If you want to talk about something that's exhausting, it's exhausting to have to continually ask for clarification which is usually unnecessary if one uses proper grammar and standard definitions in the first place.
  14. How many dialects of English are there (in the US)? Also, I'm sorry, but your grammar is atrocious. If you want your opinion to be accepted as credible, you should at least take care to use proper grammar, as doing otherwise simply invites misunderstanding.
  15. I'm sorry, but the meaning of words is not an issue of personal preference. Words mean what they mean, and if you let personal preference enter into it, pretty soon we're going to have dialects that only the people who are part of the little piece of the sub-culture who agree on a set of incorrect meanings can understand. Th entire reason we have dictionaries (Wikipedia is NOT a dictionary, BTW) and standardized meanings for words is to avoid misunderstandings. If people start using personal preference to define words, they will simply be inviting misunderstanding, which I thought was something we all wanted to avoid. Queer is loosely defined, but "gay" neither explicitly nor implicitly includes all people who are not strictly cishet, and using it in that way, in any setting or context is simply incorrect. As @IntoMyWorldimplied, using the term "gay" to mean anything other than what it has meant for decades, is essentially gay erasure, and if you are going to suggest something that constitutes the erasure of any group, you should expect, and will get a serious backlash from that group This entire discussion is as ridiculous as it is irrelevant. What anyone here thinks is of no consequence at all. No one here is in a position to decide or even debate how a well established word should or should not be used. "Gay" already has a well defined, and well established meaning and usage, and no one here or anywhere else on the Internet is in a position to change that, and it's downright arrogant to think that thy do. There is no legitimate debate about whether or not "gay" should be an umbrella term. It is not now, never has been, and never will be an umbrella term -- end of discussion. To debate something that is already well established is indicative of someone who doesn't know what they are talking about. Shall we debate whether or not "gender" should be an umbrella term for everything that has to do with sex? Shall we debate whether or not "sex" should be an umbrella term for all gender variants? Shall we debate the meaning of the words "correct," and "incorrect?" WE are not in a position to decide. WE are a tiny little group of apparently rather opinionated people who think that what they think has some bearing on the use of words that are already in standardized usage by millions of people. If you don't want to start a whole discourse, you'd do better to avoid debating things that aren't up for debate, and that millions of people already agree on. And what "community" are you referring to? The entire LGBTQ+ community, or the little LGBT Forums community here. I've not heard anyone outside of this website imply that "gay" is or should be an umbrella term, and there aren't nearly enough people here to constitute any kind of representative group. OK, I'm going to step down off my soapbox for now. Enough is enough. Sorry if I offended anyone.
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